The anger and frustration kept mounting. She stormed around the house for days; slamming, muttering, snapping at anyone who even THOUGHT about approaching her. But when asked, she covered as best she could. She was tired. She was just a little blue. There was work pressure; anything but the truth.
One night, during a horrible bout of insomnia, she heard it. Thunder. The wind had picked up and she had seen flickers of lightening in the distance. She got up and waited. Her heart pounded in her chest. The rocks of worry and fear seemed to be shifting nervously in anticipation. This was her chance to ask for answers. She began to practice her speech as the wind whistled a little louder outside. The lightening seemed to rip the sky like a flashlight searching. She knew it was her turn. She was frightened; to confront the Almighty on a night like this? Well, some might call it foolish. But children often do foolish things with grand results. Check with YOUR kids.
She opened the door and stood in her jammies in the middle of the night. The trees warned her to do this another time as they dipped and coaxed her to go back inside. The lightening had eerily stopped and all that remained was an unseasonably warm rain and the grumble of The Father as he prepared to hear her out.
"This isn't Fair!" she immediately sobbed; losing all the reasonable tone and adult language she had practiced. "You can't DO this! You can't be serious! What am I supposed to do? How can you call yourself merciful? If you are ANY kind of Father, then help me! Show me! Don't you HEAR ME? I'm lost! I'm begging." The words flew from her lips angrily, childishly. She clenched her fists and defiantly looked straight into the rain. "I'm not going anywhere, until we get through this. Do you hear me? WHY ME?" There! She'd said it. Why me? The selfish, childish demand. A tantrum. She waited for an answer. There was a rumble of thunder in the distance. The clouds scurried away leaving the dark night to stare solemly at her.
"Don't walk away NOW! Why won't you help me....? I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not asking for miracles, not even special treatment....just hope. Can you at least give me that? " She was wailing and sobbing. Her words seemed to melt into the dark...seemingly unheard.
The stones of emotion in her chest were heavy and hot. She coughed and cried, releasing them into the storm. She felt sick but she kept crying and talking. She hoped she would vomit and get rid of the pain inside her body, her heart, her broken soul. She held herself and sobbed at her sense of alone-ness, abandonment, and fear of the unknown. She wore herself out. She was the storm.
Exhaustion was equal in intensity as any of the other emotions she'd displayed in the last hour. She sank down on the porch steps. Her jammies soaked and clinging to her goosebumps, she rocked back and forth to soothe herself. She pulled her knees up and rested her forehead against them. Then in the stillness, there was a small noise. She looked up to see a little rabbit crouched at the edge of the grass. It was simply a wet matted mess. She didn't know how she'd missed it in her rant. She strained to see it more closely and caught another shadow out of the corner of her eye. The larger rabbit slowly, cautiously made its way over and lay above its young. The rain became more steady, but the rabbits stayed. She watched for a long time; until her eyes burned with fatigue and yes, comprehension.
Her chest felt scratchy on the inside from crying. Her eyes were dry but her nose dripped incessantly. She had seen what she was meant to see and standing slowly, she stepped inside. She dried herself with a towel and sat on the edge of the bed. As she pulled the blankets up around her and felt the gentle warmth of sleep hug her, she smiled softly. "I get it. I do. And thank you. Amen."
"Until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words;--Wait and hope." --Alexandre Dumas: The Count of Monte Cristo
Heavy, I know. But we all try on different hats to find the correct fit, right? Thanks for stopping in and come back soon. I always enjoy your visits.
