Mary Chapin Carpenter wrote: "Sometimes you're the windshield. Sometimes you're the bug." That is so very true. I would like to recognize some poor "bugs" and laugh at the windshields.
My morning began with a battle for control with my dental floss. It should be a no brainer. I am the windshield. But let's wait before we decide. I pull out my floss and "pop" it across that little cutter thing. Well, it fails and now I have MORE floss. After another two tries, I'm mad. I give it one more yank which proved to be too much for my 100 yards of dental care. Yep, the front popped off, the spool jumped out and zoomed behind the toilet. You know, that space where the dust bunnies hold high court? So with the twenty yards I have wrapped around my two index fingers, I cut the wad of white waxy string, leaving it to finish my task at hand. Once through, I throw it away. Not so fast. The floss won't leave my hand. It's stuck. So I bang on the edge of the trash, wipe my hand on the liner, even go so far as to wave "bye-bye" to it to shake it loose. Thinking I am free at last, I turn on the skein of dent-o-tape behind the bowl, shake the broken container, giving it a good scolding and a dirty look, and chuck it all. Good riddance. I win. I am the windshield.
I move through my morning. I get the kids on the bus, kiss my hubby goodbye and drive to work. On my way I see a man with his dog (one of those "fake dogs" that weigh less than a postage stamp and does nothing besides yap, shake and pee). They are out for a morning stroll. This whisk broom of a pet has marked his territory and that territory is in the form a mailbox belonging to a woman...who OBVIOUSLY doesn't like dogs. She comes flying out of the house in her nightie and a doo rag, screaming like a banshee, arms-a-flailing and face turning the shade of a firetruck. Of course, I am rubbernecking and slow down to hear the argument. The dog owner cocks his hip and dishes it right back. I turn up my radio and sing just like ABBA. That woman thought she was the windshield. so did I until I looked in my rear-view to see the fake dog bunch up and take a not so fake poop right on her lawn. Whoops! Misjudged that one....
I continue on. I come to an intersection where it is posted that you CAN NOT block it. "Stay out of the box" I stop so I don't do that. The woman next to me does the same. There is a big bold tax-payer purchased sign that says :"STAY OUT OF THE BOX! DON'T BLOCK INTERSECTION" Clear enough? Nope. The woman behind my "neighbor" begins to lay on the horn. Not just a beep; not a honk. No. This is a full-fledged maritime warning system gone awry. To top it off, she rolls down her window and begins to shout: "MOVE! You stupid *itch! Pull the **** UP!" My "neighbor" sits quietly; for if you look further up into the line of traffic, you see that you can not turn on red. No one is going anywhere. But this does not register with Freda Filthy Mouth in the overactive Lexus. She is SURE she is the windshield. Now she is smashing her hands on the side of the car and jumping in her seat so much that it appears her Lexus will jump out of its spot in line and eat the little Honda in front of it. The woman in the Honda hand cranks (!!) her window down just a smidge and says "Excuse me? You need to read the sign please. I'm just obeying the law..." and rolls up her window and proceeds to sit until the light turns green and we begin to move. Remember, I am beside this mess and I can no longer hold it in. I am laughing and watching. Well, as Lexus woman roars past me she flips me the bird and yells "**** you too! Mother ****er!" She is dialing on her cell phone and screaming to her girlfriend about this wretched injustice. Tears spill down my cheeks. I may wet myself I'm laughing so hard. I cruise through the light. You know what? "****-you Freda" was so busy on the phone that she missed the light. Guess who is beside her now? The police. Bug or windshield....you never know.
I get to work and smile. I've had a good laugh. I've actually watched Karma come around twice in one day. I consider myself fortunate. My friend comes down the hall of the office and says "Here, you have something on your shoe...." I look down and grin even wider. It is dental floss. I accept my role as bug.
May your day be filled with windshield moments. I hope you smile and pass this on...
