There was a lecture. One of those all day-ers where you sit with many people you don't know and make nicey-nice. It can be a little nerve wracking; unless this happens:
Imagine you are late for check-in because you got lost....(stop it STOP laughing~ MAYBE it WASN'T me!!!!) You rush in like a category five tornado dropping last minute notes, papers, phone and the almighty registration form that is haphazardly hanging from your lips. The folks are trying to get you into the meeting ASAP and pull it from your mouth. Now they have a LOVELY kissy mark. You haul yourself red-faced in to realize that they are running a little late and you actually have time to swipe a bagel and one of those little elfin bedpans stuffed with cream cheese. YESSS! You are excited. You dash to the buffet table and upon picking up a round of silverware, you accidentally clutch the next bundle's napkin. So as you pick it up you unravel the other making a clinkety-clunk and bring "no attention to yourself" at all. You grab your bagel and run. As you plop yourself and all your papers, bags, phone and accessories down and smile to those around you, they react like indifferent ground sloths sipping decaf and tilting their empty yogurt cups, searching for a hint of more and secretly aching for breakfast sandwiches with cheese or cinnamon buns smothered in butter. But happily, you peel the top off your bedpan/cream cheese and stick the knife in. This is gonna be yummy. You hear your stomach agree heartily. Unfortunately you got one of the last cream cheeses at the bottom of the bowl of ice and yours is frozen. Not to be outdone by those wieners that set up the complimentary buffet, you jab your knife in deeper and pry it out. But then?
The knife slips to an awkward angle, catapulting your nub of frozen spread into the air. In slow motion it jettisons toward the sport coat of the stranger across from you examining his yogurt cup.
Your mouth puckers as if you have swallowed eighteen lemons and you suck in air. You wince "Oh!" You kind of reach for it with your knife hoping it has somehow developed dairy food magnetic powers and can pull it back. Your eyebrows have disappeared into your scalp. Everyone watches it like a tiny firework. "Fuhdoooooooo!" It arcs through the air and "Blmph" lands on the mans jacket. Now it seems nice, soft and spreadable.
The man slowly studies it. You are apologizing like crazy, trying to get out of your seat to help him but have wrapped yourself up in every strap and chair leg within a two foot radius. He smiles dryly, wipes it off and moves away. You're beet red but it's really from holding back the laughter. If only it weren't you.
So the lights flicker and signal it's time to begin. You take your naked bagel over and grab another seat. The podium lights come up and a man takes the stage. No one will even remember this at lunch. You snuggle down and prepare to start your day over.
Except the man giving this all day seminar...has a cream cheese stain on his jacket. You can barely hear the words he is saying because much like that commercial; the stain is yelling at you. Yelling to everyone. Confessing your breakfast spread sin.
Well, at least there's no post-test. But there IS salsa at lunch...
Enjoy your meals.
