My daughter is a tween. This is a very difficult time for both of us. She is hormonal and doesn't know why; I do and don't want it to be true. She's growing up. I'm trying to keep her from growing away.
We've begun the spats where she rolls her eyes and her tone becomes condescending. I, in turn, give her more to do or remove privileges until the rolling stops and the tone settles. We've only had a couple of battle royales where we've both used our words. Those were painful; for both and I am sad it won't be the last time. She's a quick vicious thinker; just like her momma. We will have to learn to use our filters. She has to learn to listen and I have to learn to hear her. Tough times lie ahead.
So she was mad at me. I wouldn't let her go and meet a guy (with her two girl friends and his two guy friends) at the park so they could wander into the woods to a near by pond. I know, what a witch. BELIEVE me, I heard it. I was smart though and didn't use the "I was that age once...." and tried the logical point of view; it didn't help. She still punished me for two days with silence and disgruntled chuffs until I discovered she was planning to do it anyway. THEN we were BOTH furious.
It's okay. There is no power struggle. I am her mom. I run this house with her dad. This is NOT a democracy and she does NOT have a vote yet. Unpopular? You bet. Her girlfriends tried to persuade me which, if you know me? I don't need to tell you how it went. So that left Maddie angry again. I just get in the way of her life.
She came up to Promises almost reluctantly this weekend. Seeing her grandparents was the ONLY real reason as I was told. Well, they all took off to play golf and I stayed to hang with Maddie. She wandered around sighing and ignoring me for most of the morning.
"Hey Sweet. C'mere."
"What." She rolled her eyes and kept surveying the room as it it were changing colors with every blink.
"Want me to paint your nails and do your makeup?"
"I guess." but try as she might to look unenthused, she was back in a flash with my "art kit".
I painter her up. She looked beautiful. I asked her about the gang. She talked dryly almost incoherent mutters at first, but by the first coat, she was warming. I painted stripes and polka dots on her base coat.
She smiled wide, letting the "Oh wow that's COOL" face shine through...but only for a moment.
I finished her make up and turned the mirror. She pouted and studied herself from every angle.
"You're very beautiful Sweetheart. You're a beautiful young woman." My smile was tight from nothing more than telling the truth. Where did my little girl go? Gary Puckett began screaming in my head...I closed my eyes.
"Me?" she giggled. "Who knew?"
"My turn!" She peeped and began before I had the chance to close up shop. She worked and it looked good. A little heavy for me, but still nice.
"You're beautiful too Mom." I felt my teeth come together to bite back tears. The gap between us was closing.
"Get your phone and your purse." I said sniffing and wiping my eyes quickly.
"Why?"
"Momma don't get dressed up for nothin. We're going to lunch"
She lit up. "JUST us?"
"Yep."
"Topless?"
"Absolutely"
"Can I ride shotgun?"
I smiled. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
So we put the top down, the radio up and headed into town. She even got a couple of cat calls...that sun drenched blond daughter of mine. We ate and laughed and had a great time. I enjoyed her: not just sitting, but talking with her; hearing her opinions and twelve year old perspective. She's an amazing thinker and what a sense of HUMOR! Oh wow.
Lunch paid for, we drove home; still laughing and talking. I felt really good. Gap? What gap? It's nice to have these moments to reassure me that we'll get there as mother and daughter. We'll make it.
We pulled in and the girls next door raced over. Giggling and hopping like they all had to pee, they asked me if she could go tubing down the lake. Girly moment ....gone.
"Yep. Have a ball Bunny." I know when to let go, but there was still a tight little lump of sadness and disappointment in my throat.
"Byyyyye." She tossed over her shoulder running across the grass. "Hey guys! Look at my nails. MY MOM did them. Who knew?"
I ventured down to my hammock and began to write.. I played my iPod and just was dozing to a few songs that I used to play (...don't laugh...) through my headphones, onto my belly when I was pregnant with Maddie and she was painfully restless. (After all, babies DO run out of room in there. Good LORD! I'd sit up at night, barely able to breathe and she'd be skipping rope or playing trampoline on my bladder; WHATEVER they do in there) I don't play these songs very often and usually make me cry. They are extremely sentimental to me. She came dashing back, soaking wet, skin just a little more brown.
"Hey Momma, wer're back."
I didn't hear her at first. She pulled my bud back and said quietly. "We're back. Whatcha got?" and put the bud in her ear.
She paused, cocking her head. "What is this?"
" I used to play it a long time ago."
She sat down and listened. She cuddled up with me and we shared the rest of the song lying there in my hammock. It was truly touching.
"I like that for some reason. It makes me real relaxed. Can I burn it?"
"Sure."
"Can I go back to Julia's?"
"Sure."
"Thanks Mom. You're the best. Love you!" and off she scurried.
That's okay. I held my baby girl for a few moments. AND heard the words: Great, Love, and You all in one breath while they PERTAINED to me. I wiped a tear and closed my eyes. What a great kid. It just took a song to remind me.
Who knew.
