Summer is winding down. The kids are getting cagey. They won't admit they want to go back to school or that they are sick of each other. I'm doing my best to keep them entertained and have their friends over to hang out. In spite of the rain...summer is drying up.
But I haul out a secret weapon. Nothing much, just a twenty six foot long skim-board slip and slide. I must set this puppy up which is no small task. First I lay it out and begin to unfold it. Twenty-six feet of secretly self-adhesing plastic (like press and seal but worse) that has thousands of teensy holes in it. At least I don't have to blow anything up. After almost mummifying myself in "new Barbie-doll" smelling plastic, I get it all laid out and stuff the hose in. About half way through this filling process, I realize I have it upside down. NOW I must try to turn it over...with water already sloshing around in it. Did I mention the little sprinkler holes? Yeah, they're going off so now I am dodging water and failing miserably.
I don't give up though. I pull, tug and grunt this thing that weighs as much as my sofa but folds neatly into an 8 1/2 by 11 inch rectangle and get it situated. I am soaked; in sweat and water. My knuckles hurt from trying to find a grip on this piece of crap. My son's friend says "Heyyyyyy why did YOU get to do it first?" I am tempted to have him help me look deeply into the sprinklers while pinching the hose closed (only for a moment) and then letting go. It is a cheap fantasy and I walk away feeling pretty good about what I've done.
Then I see them improve it....They disconnect the hose, refill all the bladders to the point of high-tension singing. They have discarded the swim board and are drinking from the sprinklers and spitting on each other. FABULOUS! It doesn't work quite like the picture and they are disappointed. So I get my dishtowel out. I hold both ends of the towel while they slip their arms through and hang on. I dash down the runway and let go of one side of my towel which sends them careening into the pool collecting at the end. One of my sons friends says. "Heyyyyyy why did HE get to go first?" I want to rat snap him in the head with my towel. "wha-PEECH!" THAT'S WHY!!!! I think to myself. I don't do it. I do this until there is mud and I am wearing it in places I never bargained for and are surprisingly itchy. "Heyyyy! He got more turns than me." I hear as I wander back to my sunny beach chair and my book. "Heyyyy. I wonder why?" I mutter.
"Heyyyyy! You guys are dead!" My son's friend hollers. I hear wet smacking skin, little boys clashing and peels of macho "You didn't hurt ME" laughter. My son has always been the runt of the litter. Any litter, so he's learned to be tough and he IS a little tank. But he has a friend who's always gotten the better of him. Well, today that boy met his match. It began with a long run from the curb in front of my house as the other boys stood like human bowling pins. Boo gave it everything he had and bang! zoom! he took them all out. The one boy of course begins with "Heyyyy! That hurt! You did that on purpose." I sigh heavily.
Now time after time, I've watched this kid take pot-shots at my son and laugh it all away. The mom in me wants to go out and clean his clock, but Ben has held his own and today was payback. Of course his friend comes to me. "Heyyy. Ben hurt me."
"Heyyy. It's called Karma...Have a bite." is what I'm thinking. "Have a seat. Rub some dirt on it. You'll live." is what comes out. Not too bad. But while he's sitting there, the phone rings and I get up to get it and go inside to talk. A quarter of the way through my first sentence I hear: "Heyyy. Let's put the hose in the hot tub." There is a unanimous "YEAH!"
"HEYYYYYY!" is what I scream and drop the phone.
And that's why I love Fall.
