I had HAD it. I'd spent all weekend cleaning, scrubbing carpets, washing cabinet fronts, laundry, dusting, mopping, sweeping, dishes: all times four. Know what I'm talking about? Yep your SURE do.No sooner had I put the last of the SOS pads away and begun to lotion my dry tired fingers than I saw little white shreds on the carpet. Following the trail I found my two "not so cute" dogs playing tug of war with a roll of toilet paper they'd stolen. I ground my teeth and scraped it up. Okay, back to clean. Crisis averted. Tally-ho!
Much to my dismay, I heard the kids whizzing down the steps giggling. This is almost as dangerous as silence. They had not seen me, so I did the adult thing and spied on them. Playing super-sneaky-nosy- mom, I waited until they hee-hee'd up the steps to one of the bedrooms quickly shutting the door behind them. Another bad sign. They had carried something heavy that squeaked with each bouncy step. I waited just a little longer. I heard a hinge creak. I held my breath and listened at the door.
"This is going to be great!"
"Yeah."
hee hee
"Ready?"
"Do we have enough?"
"mmmm-yeah. No more can fit in the the bag."
I squinted and wracked my brain. " What could it BE? Oh, just do it." I thought and opened the door to the sound of :
YAY!
That hinge? It was the hole punch. They had made confetti. A LOT of it. And I watched as all those little circles floated happily to the floor, welcoming me to the party in a room I had just vacuumed and cleaned. The kids froze. I licked my lips and fished a little circle out of my mouth.
"What. Is. This." My voice was the low, "Be careful with your answer" voice.
They stood there trying to think of something. I could see the tiny gears grinding.
"WHAT. IS. THIS." I said again a little louder. That's two, folks.
They each took a quick breath to beat the three count. Boo won.
"We-were-practicing-throwing-confetti-for-your-birthday?" it rushed out of his mouth in one word (and a question to boot: Are you gonna buy this one Ma?) The dogs came bounding in and blew it all over with their little huffy noses. THANK YOU PUPPIES AND STATIC ELECTRICITY. Mommy loves you right now.
"Clean it up. NOW." and I walked out before I lost control. It was only paper I told myself over and over.
"Nice job dummy."
"You did it."
"No WAY! YOU went and got the hole puncher."
"YOU said we wouldn't get caught! It took too long just ripping it..."
"No it didn't. You're just stupid.."
I hate it when they whisper argue. "ENOUGH! NOW YOU CAN CLEAN THE BATHROOM!"
I could hear them groaning and rolling their eyes.
"Way to go Maddie. Dibs on sink; no toilet."
"I had to do it LAST time."
"No you didn't..."More whispering.
"Do you need to do ALL the bathrooms? How about the garage while we're at it?" my voice cracked, my cheeks flushed. I was really mad.
They huffed and mosied in to get their horrible chore done while I fished out the vacuum again. It didn't work very well, so I had to do quite a bit of it by hand. This took about a half an hour considering the dog-chasing/ stray confetti pick-up game we ended up playing. FABULOUS. I had no idea how quickly confettie could hide when endangered. I lugged the big, useless Bissel back downstairs and went to check on the Bathroom Bears.
I heard them; but out back. They were playing football. My fists clenched. My brow furrowed and I thought: Three. I'm gonna GET you.....
I ripped open the back door and screamed for them. The entire neighborhood seemed to pause. Their little rosy cheeked faces appeared.
"What did I ask you to do?" I was panting.
"Clean the bathroom."
"What are you doing?"
"Playing football."
"Guys?! It doesn't even RHYME! Do what I ASKED you to do!" I had reached the breaking point.
"But we did."
I felt my face get small and pinched. "So if I go upstairs and check the bathroom, I'm going to want to host a party in there?"
"Why would you host a party in the bathroom?"
"Par-tay in the PAH-TAY! Par-tay inthe PAH-TAY!" they began to sing complete with rolling hand motions. I tried not to laugh.
"Quit it. I'm gonna stay mad until I see it for myself. Wait RIGHT there and don't MOVE."
They couldn't hear me. They were singing the new congaline song. I rushed upstairs, thinking I'm going to unLOAD on my kids for ignoring me ONE MORE TIME. I was wrong. The tub was clean, the mirrors were shiny, even the faucets twinkled. Now granted, they had left each cleaning product, the rag, the paper towels on the counter, the bathtowels were on the floor and the cupboard was open which is how the dogs got the toilet paper in the first place; but it was clean. I opened the window and looked down. They were still dancing and singing.
"Good Mom?"
I smiled. "Come clean up from cleaning up and yes. Let's partay in the pah-tay."
Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.
