"I broke up with him" . Her voice was small almost sheepish.
I stopped what I was doing and hugged her. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to tell me why?"
"He was a jerk."
"Could you be more specific?"
"A friggin jerk."
I hugged her again. "I'm sorry Sweetie. Do you want to talk?"
she sighed into my sweater and pulled me close. "Not yet."
I had to let her go. She dragged upstairs. I heard the soft sniffling. I frowned. This is the crappy part of motherhood; when you can't take away their hurt. In some ways it made our upcoming vacation a little more exciting. She'd be away for a few days; having fun, swimming, sunshine and new people. Meeting new people always makes Maddie happy. Such a love.Not much time went by before she was at my side wanting to talk.
"He was mad at me because I was talking to ******."
"Just talking?"
"Yeah."
"And..."
"And that isn't right. I have lots of guy friends."
I sighed. "Yes, and that will be tough some times."
"Was I wrong?"
"What does your heart say?"
"He was a jerk."
"Okay, well, I've been a jerk before; lots of times. Your daddy's been a jerk sometimes...But I didn't break up with him."
"You're married."
"So? Even marriages break up."
"You love each other."
"Yes we do but we're friends first. That's the most important thing. We fight FOR each other."
"We aren't married."
"Whew. That was my next question."
She smiled and twirled her hair. So beautifully confused. I wouldn't go back to those years for anything. Her cell rang. It was him. We looked at it and then each other as if it were a squirming ball of worms. "What do I do?"
"Answer it?"
"And sayyyy..."
"Hello?"
"You are not always so quick for a writer Mom."
Her voice mail went off. She listened intensely and ran out the door.
I was suddenly alone but only for a second for the door slammed open and she came puffing in, arms full: a rose (chocolate) a little stuffed kitty with the word "peace" stitched on it and a CD. I held out my hand.
"Give it"
"Mine."
"No. Not yet. Give it."
"MOOOOOM...."
"I'm not horsin... (the words said when I am done being wishy washy)"
She chuffed and sank as I put it in and played it.
The video will appear shortly. I looked at her and the tears were just pouring down her cheeks.
"Mommy, help me." was all she could say. I grabbed her and rocked back and forth. I smoothed her hair and kissed her head over and over. There was a hot stone in my chest. It felt as if it weighed a million pounds. It was too heavy for me too even cry. At this moment, all I wanted was to pull her inside me and make it okay. Protect her and tell her she would survive. She was crying so hard she was shaking. My little girl's heart was at stake.
"Listen to me Bunny."
"I thought I did the right..." her voice hitched.
"Listen.." I tried to soothe her. A couple tears of my own slipped down my cheek. "What does your heart say? You are feeling something for a reason. Trust it."
"I'm mad at him."
"And this won't be the last time. Does your reaction fit his action?"
She stopped and stared at the peace offerings. "I'm confused."
"You're supposed to be."
"This sucks Mom."
"Yes, it does. I'm sorry."
The phone rang. We didn't move. "Everyone makes mistakes. You learn from them."
"Maybe he'll learn not to be jealous?"
"Maybe you'll learn not to be hot headed."
"Maybe we could work on it."
"Maybe you should tell him that."
She smiled and headed for her room. "Wait, Hon, you can stay here. I'll go. But did you listen to the words?"
She nodded. Music is part of the foundation of our family. We play a music game in my house (some of you have enjoyed it also...) so she had to know this was coming.
"He's not a convict Mom."
"Does he wear colors?"
She shoved me. "Quiiiiiit it."
"Bail? Do we need bail money?"
She laughed. "Yeah Ma, and I'm his..." she didn't say it but her dark brown eyes lit up and her eyebrows wiggled. "Can you take me to prison on Thursday? It's visitation day..."
Oh Dear LORD, she will be the death of me and I will die laughing. I love my Bunny.
