No real point to this one. I just had to share it: Having been away for a couple of days, I knew I had a TON of work to catch up on. I decided to get an EXTREMELY early start to my day heading in to the office before six. ( A.M. How rude!)
I wanted to be considerate however, so I showered, dressed and quick put my hair up; yep in the dark. I carried my shoes and finished my make-up downstairs so Cheech wouldn't be bothered. I was really proud of myself; not for my stealthy qualities but the fact that my outfit and accessories matched. Good Girl! Gold star!
I flipped the garage door and the light didn't come on. Hmmm. That's strange. I pushed it again; as if the dead light bulb were now magically fixed; or was it simply sleeping? Nope. Nothing. No big deal, I'd just walk out. I scooted my feet along so I wouldn't trip and swayed my arms like Jodi Foster in "Silence of the Lambs". Well, I missed my husband's tool box but promptly discovered that his drill was NOT in it but next to it. OUCH! My shin found the barrel of ice melt. WHACK! I knocked over the bicycles which sent the helmets clattering to the floor, and for my grand finale; so as not to completely wipe out and crash into Cheech's motorcycle, I grabbed the lawn chairs but lost my balance and slid down the wall. This made a not so quiet screeching noise like the drill of an off shore oil rig that has run out of lubricant in mid cycle.
"SHHHHHH!" I scolded my naughty garage.
I slipped and slid half way down the drive and skidded just past the passenger side of my car. I stared. My car was on the left hand side of the drive way with about thirty inches of snow piled up against the driver's side. I would have to climb over. Okay, I could do this. Besides; no one would see me. I loaded my briefcase, my lunch, my purse and my other crap into the back seat. I got in and started to slide over.
"click" my heel got stuck between the gear shift and the seat. I turned it and heard it flip on to the floor. I reached for it; groping in an unnatural and painful yoga pose.
"Pop" my coat button gave and now my hood, my coat, my sweater, shirt and cami were flying free and puffing out. It is FREEZING in the office. You need every undergarment, t-shirt, and turtleneck in your closet as well as overalls good to about -55. I turned around, looking like a combination of teenagers trying to get busy and a painful game of Twister. Then my butt hit the wheel in just the right spot.
HOOOONK
"DAMMIT!" I let go of the wheel that I was essentially sitting on top of and flipped forward bonking my face on the back of driver's seat. "Mmmph!" I spun, dragging my foot across the dash. By poking my shoeless toes into the vent, I was able to get my leg out of the windshield and down below my ears. I raised my hips as if I were giving birth in the Amazon and realigned my ensemble. I huffed and smoothed my hair which now looked like angry cockatiel plumes. At least no one had seen me. Wait. Where were my keys? OH NO! The dirty words were running through my mind like the NYSE ticker tape. I looked up just as there was a soft click at my window. I jumped, screamed and tried to fly away all at once. Cheech stood smiling at my passenger window holding my keys.
"Why aren't you in bed?" I snapped.
" You mean sleeping peacefully and possibly miss THIS?"
crap.
I hope you have a nice day and that you laughed with me for a moment. Thanks for coming.
