SENSATIVE
“How do you feel today? “ I asked. Her breathing was soft and shallow almost dried up like a summer puddle.
“Tired Baby.” She smiled with closed eyes and held out her hand for me to sit with her.
I took it and edged in next to her. She took up almost no space in the bed anymore. I felt the cool smoothness of her hand wrapping around mine; soothing, loving; while she hugged me with all her strength. My fingers traced her wrinkled knuckles, brushing her ring. I loved its feel and what it was to her; a silver heart with two emeralds and a garnet in its middle. It was her life.
“I’m supposed to let you sleep.” I said and kissed her hand. It tasted like Jergens lotion.
“I’ll be doing plenty of that soon.” She sighed.
“No Mim.” I squeezed her hand in reproach.
“Yes, Baby. We’ve been through this.” And she turned to look at me; her grey eyes a little cloudier today, her pink lips a little more pale. She studied the love in my face for the woman who’d taken care of me since my folks had died, a tear spilled over. “Now, we’ve been here before too and I don’t need any waterworks. You’re too sensitive.”
My smile was weak. I blinked the others away and stuffed them deep into my chest. My heart sobbed for her pain, my soon to be loss. I didn’t know if I could stand it.
“Tell me again.” I asked her, my voice catching just under my collarbone.
“You don’t want to hear such nonsense.” She clucked.
I fiddled with her ring. “I do Mim. I love to hear about your life. I want a love like you and Uncle Danny.”
“Barbara Jaaaane?” the voice boomed from down the hall. I shrank back into my chair.
“Yes?”
“Don’t bother Aunt Mim. Let her rest. And DON”T get her all worked up. She’s sensitive.” Came my other great aunt’s order. Mim rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at her sister.
“She’s NOT, Doris. She’s reading to me. I asked her to.” We bowed our heads and giggled.
Mim’s other hand stretched the eternity to clasp mine. Her head tilted. “Such a romantic, just like me.” She turned and stared at the doorway.
“Oh Child, your great Uncle Danny was a wonderful man. He worked for my daddy you know. Never had I seen such a beautiful man. He was tall and strong. His eyes were the deepest green I’d ever known and his hair was as black as midnight. It had little curls in it that scooped up his handsome face and made him …angelic. Since he worked the fields and in the barn, he smelled of straw and earth. His voice was like dessert; sweet and smooth. There wasn’t a time that I heard it and didn’t get goose bumps. I stood around, day dreaming and watching him all the time. Papa would yell and swat at me, but I couldn’t stay away. One evening he was washing up for supper; shaving and all, when I happened to come round back with tomorrow’s laundry, I saw him. Well I stopped dead to the world and stared, dropping all the laundry on the ground. I’d never seen anyone so perfect.” She pinched my hand and when I looked up she wiggled her eyebrows up and down.
“Mim.” I laughed.
“Well, he ran over and started helping me pick up the clothes and I fell on my rear, crab walking back as if he were going to chop me up. “ Danny Webster-get away!” I hollered, but I’ll confess, my heart was racing like I’d never known and there was heat runnin through my veins ‘bout to burn me alive. He crawled right up above me. I don’t know why but we were both panting. Child, even his breath was sweet. He reached up and pushed my hair out of my face. I felt his fingers trace along my jaw and lift my chin.”
“Little girl.” He growled as his lips brushed my cheek. I thought I’d melt. Before I realized it, he had us both standing straight up. His pants were muddy and so was my dress.
“Supper?” he asked.
I just stood there marveling over him. I just wanted to touch him.
“Miriam?”
“Yes?”
“Is supper ready?” his smile was wry and boyish.
“Is it EVER!” I said and just shook my head in wonder. Embarrassed, I backed away stammering “ Uhhh Y-y-yes Danny. S-supper’s r— ready.” My head bobbed with each syllable. I felt my face flush.
He stepped right in front of me, placing his hand on my hip. His lips found mine quickly. I’d never been kissed before. I think my arms flew out like a “T”. I thought the ground had fallen from underneath me. I fell into him and kissed right him back. I wanted to kiss him every day until I had nothing left in me. I wrapped my arms around him and raked my fingers through his hair. I didn’t know what came over me. I never wanted to be without him. He took my breath away.”
I sighed. Mim was the best story teller. I loved hearing about Uncle Danny; the first part anyway.
“Well,” she continued, “We were secret until Doris caught us and told. My daddy ‘bout killed him, but we were in love and after MUCH debate, we were allowed to get married. I was never happier; until my son came two Januaries later. Then my life was perfect. He gave me this ring after Joseph was born. He told me he’d watch over and love me (she pointed to the two emeralds) and Joseph always.” Mim patted my hand and took a deep breath.
“He and Joseph were inseparable. They were always up to something and sometimes I tell ya, I
felt like I had two baby boys, but I couldn’t stay mad for long; with Daniel’s eyes and Joseph’s laughter, we loved grander than any human should be able to.”
“It’s okay Mim. You don’t have to go on”. This was hard for her. I really just wanted the love story.
“No, it’s all right. I like to remember them.” Her wistful voice went on. “I shouldn’t have left them go that day. We should have all gone together-- like always. They went to town to get my shopping and see what new toys were coming for Christmas. Little Joseph’s boot got stuck in the tracks. The trolley couldn’t stop. Daniel wouldn’t leave his son.” Our lips quivered. I understood the magnitude of losing everything. I realized I was about to do it all over again.
“Mim. I’m sorry. I just love to hear how you and Uncle Danny …”my chest was heavy with guilt.
“S’all right Baby Jane. They never really left me. They watch over me.” She raised her ring and twisted it. “Sometimes they come and sit with me. More often now, although Doris just thinks I’m “touched” in my current state. “ She grinned and laid her snowy halo of hair against the cool cotton.
“GIT” Doris snapped from the door. We both jumped. “I thought I told you NOT to bother her!” My aunt raced around the bed and tugged at me.
“But Mim said…”
A swat was my response and I scooted out swiping the angry tears off my cheeks.
“Mim.” Doris cooed, straightening her blankets. “Don’t upset yourself. She’s just a young girl. She doesn’t need to dig like that. Children these days…” she shook her head sadly.
“Doris, honestly. You could pop a diamond out your butt you’re so uptight.”
Doris clicked her tongue and tucked the sheets a little tighter, pursing her lips angrily.
“Ouch Doris.” Mim grunted.
“Yes Mim. Ouch. You know, you’re not the only one who is sensitive.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. But really. What harm is there in remembering him? I loved him more than anyone and Joseph…” her voice trailed away.
“We have all lost loves Miriam.” And Doris said crisply, turning to go.
I was waiting in the hall for my reprimand. Doris stopped and glared at me.
“You know better.”
“I just wanted…”
“Stop.” She raised her hand. “Leave her be. This has been hard for all of us.”
“What has?”
Doris caught herself on the railing. “Barbara Jane. Sometimes you just don’t get it.”
She left me there with a grim look. Mim sighed contentedly and fell asleep.
She died that night, in that peaceful, remembering sleep. The services were private; just Doris and me. We’d tried to prepare but when the moment came, we just weren’t ready. Doris and I cried, holding each other firmly. The ache was heavy. I’d lost a great friend; a loved one in the strongest sense of the word, (that I knew at fifteen). Doris and I held hands and silently went home. The house where they’d grown up was eerily quiet. No whistling from Mim’s respirator, or beeps from her monitors. We sat together red eyed and lost. There was nothing to say: “I’m sorry” was understood and over rated.
I went to bed with a handful of tissues. Lying under my quilt, I remembered her voice, her giggle and her touch. I drifted off in a mix of sadness and comfort. I never wanted to forget.
The footsteps in the hall were light and uncertain at first, and then became heavier, more urgent. I thought I was dreaming them until the creak from my opening door whined otherwise.
“Aunt Doris?” I asked sleepily.
Nothing.
I sat up and forced my eyes to focus. There was a dark lump in the doorway. I pulled my quilt in.
“Doris?” I barely whispered again.
There was a tiny giggle as it moved toward me. I shrunk back, terrified and confused. There was a strong echo as the shape spoke. Letters and syllables ran together making it difficult to understand. I slammed my eyes shut and kicked my legs as if I could outrun it from my bed.
“Go away. Please go away.” I cried. I clutched my sheets and began to cry softly.
“Baby Jane.” I at last understood in a swirl of sound. It was as if ten people were saying my name in a close round…”Row row row your boat…”
I opened my eyes. Mim stood before me. She had on her favorite blue dress. Beside her stood a man with dark hair and green eyes. In front of them, a boy; spitting image of the man. I cupped my mouth and stifled the cry. Tears raced down my face. My heart hitched. She was smiling; beautifully.
“Oh Aunt Mim. I miss you.” I know it was selfish, but it was true. “Don’t go. I didn’t know it was you.”
“We’re here. Always here.” She sighed and blew me a kiss. They turned and walked out, once again a beautiful family.
My sleep continued.
Aunt Doris knocked gently at my door. “Gonna sleep the day away?” she asked gruffly.
“I’m coming.” I mumbled and rolled over. I stared at it, disbelieving. I rose up on my elbows to see it better. The ring sat delicately on my night table. I sat up and put it on. Wiggling my fingers, I felt most of the sorrow slipping away. I got up and dressed quickly, pulling my door shut behind me. As I headed down the stairs, it clicked open. I stood for a moment, straining my ears. There was a giggle. I smiled and headed down. If I were to tell Doris what I’d seen and heard, she’d scoff and tell me I was too sensitive. I’m glad I am.
A very early work of mine. I should rework it, but it's sweet to me. I hope you had a gentle Monday. Come back soon
