We all know I suffer from apiphobia or the fear of bees. If you've ever witnessed it, it is no joke...although funny once I come back in to consciousness. I swear I feel like those damn goats that stiffen up and fall over; only I cry more. The thought or sight of a bee, wasp or stinging monster simply makes me sweat, grow too weak to move and cry. The understanding that those teensy little hypodermic poison pumps have wings, can go virtually anywhere and force it through the flesh at their whim is making me queasy even now...typing it. At forty, this is NOT a proud admission...but we are all perfectly flawed aren't we? yep.
Regardless, I took my daughter over to the farm for lessons. I had some business to attend to and was stuck in the car for a bit. She was half way across the far field when I finished, but not wanting to miss her lesson or a chance to play with the horses, I sauntered across to have a seat in one of the lawn chairs underneath the willow tree. Beautiful. I sat and watched. She was doing well. I love watching her. She is so many things I'm not: graceful being the front runner. I sighed loving my kid and all she is.
I heard it : the rumbling. But I dismissed it; tricking myself into believing it was an engine...an ultralight or Jesus on a Mo-ped. It didn't work the second time. OR the third when it sounded to my ears like the hungry growl of an unfed Bengal tiger. The flap of demons' wings echoed in my head. My eyes shifted frantically trying to see, to find an escape route from this THESE monstrosities. I felt the wisp as it buzzed by my ear. There was a flash and I saw it. If it were any closer, I could have sucked it into my mouth with my screech of horror.
"Ehhhh!" I jerked as if struck with a seizure, sideways, tilting the lawn chair too far. Ploop! Out in to the grass I fell, the chair toppling on top of me like a white plastic cage. Oh no wait, it wasn't grass. It was clover. Clover full of those cute tiny white flowers. Clover full of bees.
Let's see if I can get this right for you:
I broke. My neck was no longer strong enough to support my head. My joints tingled like they had fallen asleep. It was almost ninety degrees outside yet goose bumps stacked three high on every exposed surface of my skin. My scalp felt like it was trying to run away. My mouth was full of hot dry panic and my throat? well, it just closed up shop for the day. The tears were working though. They ran down my face and tried to get help. Thanks guys, but it was no use, the ground sucked em up. I was helpless. My insides were hot and gurgly desperately fighting to find a better shelter than this hot mess of a woman in the dirt. I couldn't even open my eyes. Every muscle was paralyzed and tight.
I don't honestly know how long I was there. Maddie's lesson runs about ninety minutes to two hours sometimes. The sun was going down. That was a good sign. Bees aren't out at night.
Maddie and her teacher bent over me.
"What are you doing in the grass? Are you all right?"
I blinked back some more tears. I looked at them blankly. "It's not grass. It's clover" but the words were soft; staggered.
"Oh Mom...bees?" She looked around and saw a few stragglers. She shook her head and kneeling down beside me, patted my shoulder. So firetrucking comforting from my tween.
I wiped my eyes. "I fell out of the chair. It was in my face... I ..." my voice hitched. I felt my face pinch up. I willed myself not to cry;fighting for an even voice.
Her instructor covered her mouth to stop the giggle. "Oh Dear, I'm so sorry." she curled her lips under to bite her laughter. I think she had to swallow them.
"It's all right. I understand." ( And really I do. I know how funny I look. )I smiled sheepishly. Maddie collected her poor broken mother and we drove home.
Telling Cheech about it ; he was enjoying the vision of his wife collapsed in a field terrified almost to the point of peeing in her pants. He handed me my robe.
"C'mon. We'll go soak. You'll feel better."
"I'm such a boob. I wish I wasn't so afraid." I said genuinely. I really wish I wasn't. I hate being afraid.
"Awww, c'mere. " He opened his arms and I snuggled up next to him. He hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. We got up to head for the tub. I looked back to call the dogs and saw a spot on the bed.
I had been lying on a wasp.
Screaming something that rhymes with brother trucker, I proceeded to beat it with my flip flop. I mean I hit it until it was pulp. Cheech just stood and stared.
"Done?"
I was panting and sweaty. " Is it dead? Does it still have a shape? "
"No." he gently reached for me. "Put the club down. Come with me. It will be safe for you again some day...."
Some day, but not today.
Regardless, I took my daughter over to the farm for lessons. I had some business to attend to and was stuck in the car for a bit. She was half way across the far field when I finished, but not wanting to miss her lesson or a chance to play with the horses, I sauntered across to have a seat in one of the lawn chairs underneath the willow tree. Beautiful. I sat and watched. She was doing well. I love watching her. She is so many things I'm not: graceful being the front runner. I sighed loving my kid and all she is.
I heard it : the rumbling. But I dismissed it; tricking myself into believing it was an engine...an ultralight or Jesus on a Mo-ped. It didn't work the second time. OR the third when it sounded to my ears like the hungry growl of an unfed Bengal tiger. The flap of demons' wings echoed in my head. My eyes shifted frantically trying to see, to find an escape route from this THESE monstrosities. I felt the wisp as it buzzed by my ear. There was a flash and I saw it. If it were any closer, I could have sucked it into my mouth with my screech of horror.
"Ehhhh!" I jerked as if struck with a seizure, sideways, tilting the lawn chair too far. Ploop! Out in to the grass I fell, the chair toppling on top of me like a white plastic cage. Oh no wait, it wasn't grass. It was clover. Clover full of those cute tiny white flowers. Clover full of bees.
Let's see if I can get this right for you:
I broke. My neck was no longer strong enough to support my head. My joints tingled like they had fallen asleep. It was almost ninety degrees outside yet goose bumps stacked three high on every exposed surface of my skin. My scalp felt like it was trying to run away. My mouth was full of hot dry panic and my throat? well, it just closed up shop for the day. The tears were working though. They ran down my face and tried to get help. Thanks guys, but it was no use, the ground sucked em up. I was helpless. My insides were hot and gurgly desperately fighting to find a better shelter than this hot mess of a woman in the dirt. I couldn't even open my eyes. Every muscle was paralyzed and tight.
I don't honestly know how long I was there. Maddie's lesson runs about ninety minutes to two hours sometimes. The sun was going down. That was a good sign. Bees aren't out at night.
Maddie and her teacher bent over me.
"What are you doing in the grass? Are you all right?"
I blinked back some more tears. I looked at them blankly. "It's not grass. It's clover" but the words were soft; staggered.
"Oh Mom...bees?" She looked around and saw a few stragglers. She shook her head and kneeling down beside me, patted my shoulder. So firetrucking comforting from my tween.
I wiped my eyes. "I fell out of the chair. It was in my face... I ..." my voice hitched. I felt my face pinch up. I willed myself not to cry;fighting for an even voice.
Her instructor covered her mouth to stop the giggle. "Oh Dear, I'm so sorry." she curled her lips under to bite her laughter. I think she had to swallow them.
"It's all right. I understand." ( And really I do. I know how funny I look. )I smiled sheepishly. Maddie collected her poor broken mother and we drove home.
Telling Cheech about it ; he was enjoying the vision of his wife collapsed in a field terrified almost to the point of peeing in her pants. He handed me my robe.
"C'mon. We'll go soak. You'll feel better."
"I'm such a boob. I wish I wasn't so afraid." I said genuinely. I really wish I wasn't. I hate being afraid.
"Awww, c'mere. " He opened his arms and I snuggled up next to him. He hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. We got up to head for the tub. I looked back to call the dogs and saw a spot on the bed.
I had been lying on a wasp.
Screaming something that rhymes with brother trucker, I proceeded to beat it with my flip flop. I mean I hit it until it was pulp. Cheech just stood and stared.
"Done?"
I was panting and sweaty. " Is it dead? Does it still have a shape? "
"No." he gently reached for me. "Put the club down. Come with me. It will be safe for you again some day...."
Some day, but not today.
