Yes, most of you know me and my humor so it was only a matter of time before I gave something a title like that. By the time you finish here you will understand.
First I would like to thank the Yayas. We are unbelievable, unstoppable, and FABULOUS when ever we are together. We are a force to be reckoned with and I couldn't ask for a better sistah-hood. We've all had our share it seems as of late. I can't begin to tell you how awesome it was to have ALL of us together. You helped me catch my breath. You made me feel better and reminded me how good it feels to laugh (to the point of tears); something I've not done in too long. I love you: Frangie, Yaya, Fey, Pebs, and Mommacita, truly. That being said:
We decided enough was enough and we had all earned a girls' night out. The gumbas were more than supportive and so we congregated at my house. The Friday night traffic was uncooperative, but we were not to be denied. When we all finally came together, it was like getting ready for a high school dance. We all had different outfits and held the fashion show. There was laughter and clothing everywhere. Once all were assembled, we descended down to display ourselves. We were nothing short of beautiful and giggly. We kissed older kids, distracted or hid from younger ones and zoomed out the door. FREE at last!
It wasn't a fancy restaurant but we were reigning queens sitting out there on the patio holding high court. Having the place all to ourselves, we proceeded to drink, laugh and toast with stray giggles thrown in. It was simply time for us to relax and enjoy being a Yaya. Then the dinners came.
We had an order of crab ravioli. There were only two of them on the plate; each as big as Fey's head. We giggled. Pebs got ribs. They were stacked half way to her chin and sticky. Now we giggled and pointed. Frangie's dinner was supposed to be lump crab and shrimp stuffed manicotti but appeared more like two small birch logs covered in rich butter cream sauce. Yaya and Mommacita were the only ones to order and receive normal sized meals. Oh yeah, then there was mine. I ordered the fried chicken. It came out last. None of us could speak or reach our cameras fast enough.
I saw it marching down the sidewalk. A man..a MAN was carrying a turkey platter; his hands were about twenty-eight inches apart as he waddled and struggled under the shear weight of it. I thought it was a joke.
"Who ordered the chicken dinner?" he boomed above our cackling.
Everyone stopped. Mouths fell open.
There were two golden birds on my plate: No wings, thighs, or drums but TWO ENTIRE UNSPLIT BREASTS~PLUS a baked potato the size of a canoe and a healthy shrub of broccoli. I stuttered and gaped at the hot mess in front of me. Now mind you, I also received both a pasta and tossed salad with my entree.
"No." I smirked and shook my head. "Not mine." The whooping began.
"Yep. Enjoy. Would you like a knife?"
"No, do you have any hedge trimmers?"
He grinned.
"How much tin foil do you have back there? " I asked. "I want this wrapped. Now."
But we kept going and laughing, drinking and pointing at my breasts. They were so large I could put my fist in them to hold them up (I did NOT include that picture). I couldn't even BEGIN to attempt to eat them. Our waitress came and began to wrap dishes. Mine of course was last.
"I don't have anything big enough to put this in." She smiled we all roared with laughter. Our make-up had officially been cried off. We were going to look like a herd of racoons if we weren't careful.
"A grocery bag? A duffel? How about a guitar case?" I could be like Antonio Banderas skulking around in that desperado movie:
"Whass een dare?"
"Cheekon."
"Noooon. No way mahn."
"Yis. Look forrr yourrsef"
So everyone took home their little chintzy Styrofoam boxes and I had them wheel out my breasts on a hand truck. I have enough chicken to feed my neighborhood and several other communities in nearby townships for about a week. I believe I now hate chicken in any form.
At least I didn't order the Belly Buster Big Boy Burger.
Have a Big day. Thanks for coming over. I'm glad we got to giggle and point. (It's my favorite thing you know.)
