I fought for it last year. I gave it everything I had. Remember? We trekked outside with sleigh bells in the cold and jingled around the house so they'd hear "him".
This year, I failed. I have really been rushing around this holiday season (who hasn't? We had three weeks from Thanksgiving!). I've been making the wreaths and garland for the new house and making trips to get the furniture delivered as well as the lights/decorations up. I've also tried to balance lessons, shopping, and chores for the "school house" as the kids say. We've really been zooming around but enjoying (most of ) it. We got to ice skate on the lake. We've already enjoyed about four inches of snow. I really can't/shouldn't complain but I'll admit I didn't see it coming.
I was wrapping gifts for the office Christmas party as well as getting packages ready to ship. I had completely forgotten to mail off my folks' gifts in all this hullabaloo. Maddie sat quietly as I clipped, trimmed, taped and "bowed" the goodies.
"Do you think Santa will find us this year at the lake house?"
The record skipped. "Pardon?"
"Santa."
I laughed. "Do you believe in Santa?"
She stood and met my gaze dead on (She's growing at an alarming rate, you know). She all but clapped my ears, nodding her head and mine with each syllable: "Yes. I. DO."
Her eyes were almost hard. She was daring me.
"Honey?"
"Mom...."
"Who is the Tooth Fairy?"
"You."
"Who is the Easter Bunny?"
I heard her breath slink from between two pouty "tween" lips. "you." she said a little more softly. But she picked up speed and vigor with: "It's all about the spirit of Christmas. Santa is part of the spirit and if you believe he'll never die and all the children in the world will be able to have a nice Christmas! FOREVER! You HAVE to believe."
"Maddie...."
"You Mommy. It's you and Daddy."
My lip quivered a little. I was sad. She's growing up too quickly. There are times like these when I panic and want to scream:
"Wait WAIT I didn't get to see enough of those innocent, wondrous wide-eyed smiles when Santa's differently wrapped gifts were opened. WAIT I want to tell "Twas the Night Before Christmas" once more and see those little faces nod and guess where the reindeer were during Christmas Eve. I want to hear the squeals from my babies that "SANTA CAME! no matter how early. I want more videos and pictures with the jolly fat man across my mantle. Wait for me. I need one more....a little more....
Time."
"Yes. Sweetie."
"But the letters from Santa were slanted the other way. You write differently than he does."
I smiled at her cleverness; my little forensic investigator. "I didn't want you to know."
"Who eats the carrots we put out for Rudolph and everyone?"
"I take bites out of them and throw them all over the carpet after the dogs go to bed."
"Who eats the cookies and drinks the milk?"
We looked at each other and smiled. "Daddy." we said together and laughed.
"Mommy?" she wiped a tear from her cheek. Was she screaming "wait" too? Did I rush her?
"I don't want Ben to know yet. Please don't tell him."
I was a little too choked up to say anything so I gave a sideways smile and nodded vigorously.
"Mommy?"
I looked up and saw a brightness in her face...
"Can I be Santa?"
"You already are. Every time you give a gift or wish someone a Merry Christmas, you're passing on the spirit. Santa is part of the Christmas spirit and "
"If you believe...." she trailed in...We finished together: mother and daughter. Beautiful moment. Beautiful holiday.
We both smiled. The excitement she was getting at being able to surprise her brother and share in "top secret Christmas operations" was almost as good as the surprise she's going to get under the tree this year....
From Santa of course, wrapped a little differently than the rest.
Ahhh yes, it brings a tear to my eye to proof this. I've been hoarding it for a couple of days, being stingy. But I really thought it was too precious not to publish.
As always, thank you for spending some time with me.
