I've heard that the pain of birthing a child is unexplainable and although severe; is a forgotten because of the loving bond created with your baby. How sweet and wonderful.
What the Hell is dental pain? Besides a slicked up sled of Novocaine racing down a steep hill of terror speckled with all the shrieking, shrill, nerve ripping, eye popping negative tactile experiences one could feel as they skid into a hot,smoking pit of despair...really...what is it?
I have an aversion to needles and the dentist is why I carry it (not so proudly). I well up at the thought of an injection and usually become sweaty and queasy with visions of skinny sharp objects poking through my flesh and shoving liquid into my body. When I was young, I had to have a TON of work done. This is back when the office was a little less concerned about patients' comfort. Don't get me wrong, they tried; but they didn't listen. The first incident was when during a Novocaine shot the person struck my nerve. Literally. I felt this jolt of metal prodding bones in my jaw and stirring up my gums. I jumped out of the chair and yanked the bib right off, tossing the gauze and sucky tube to the floor. "DAMMIT!" I screamed through plinking tears. I was barely in the double digits. Ah, but they soothed me, coaxed me and had gotten enough in me that I numbed and they continued.
I don't ever forget when I get hurt.
I continued on with my life. I laughed and loved. I got checkups but was so diligent, and attentive that I never needed work done. Prevention is worth a pound of cure or one needle. Then one day that sheppards' hook/razor that they oh-so-skillfully-shave your teeth with found a pinhole cavity. That is a tiny invasion, a flaw.
"We will need to fix that." I heard.
"Whoa. Nope." I began to remove my bib.
"It weel onlee tek a meenut." She smiled under white villainous mask. There was a puff of mint.
The floor tilted and I felt nausea pinch my boobs together from the inside. I began to sweat.
"I need to be numb."
"Eet weel onlee tek a meenut." she said again.
"Numb." and I eyed her. "N-U-M-B"
"Seet dahn Meesus." and she wrapped her lyin arms around my head and a tech hovered over me with that vile sucking serpent. "Raise yor hahnd when you feel pen. I weel stup and we weel numb you. Yes?"
I was a fool. My cheeks burned. I tasted salt. My scalp felt as if each hair were trying to run away. "Yis" I echoed.
The games began. My teeth got hot. Then I felt it; that pain. That shooting mind scratching maddening pain. I raised my hand so quickly it looked like a Third Reich salute. It happened.
The tech leaned in, took my hand and folded it across my body. She kind of pinned me to the chair. There was no Novocaine. Nor would there be any. Heat crept up under my eye and I swear the drill was severing the nerves under there. Convinced that if I survived and was permitted up, it would fall out, and roll away into some dusty forgotten corner, the twin eye began to leak; sad at the potential loss of its sibling. At twenty five, tears soaked my collar. My heels dug the cover off the airplane chair in which I was being tortured.
"Hot. Huts. SOP. PEEZ!" I begged over the grinding and gurgling. To no avail. At one point, she turned off the water. Now they were grinding bone like masons and tile. My body was rigid. I saw stars of brilliant white zooming behind my eyelids. I don't remember the rest. It was the worst horror movie I ever lived. I never forgave.
I never forgot.
So earlier this week, I sat gingerly in the chair. I haven't slept in a couple of nights. I have had horrible nightmares that I am strapped in and as they drill in my face, my insides are pulled out: like when they drill wood and the pulp has to leak out somewhere? That's me. That's my body...Oh God. I can't do this. I want to be sick. I dig at my palms and fight the tears I know are coming.
My hygienist came out and patted my shoulder. "Relax. It will be okay. I promise. She won't hurt you." and smiled. She knows how I feel. Once we joked about it.
I was so afraid I couldn't close my eyes. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I fiddled with my iPod. What salvation could Apple provide me? I hoped it could save my sanity.
The dentist arrived and began to tell me things about the procedure I didn't care to know. She tucked gauze that looked like miniature bedrolls into my face and set up shop. My back was hot and prickly.
"Ahh skayed" I said solemnly.
"I see that. I won't hurt you. If you feel pain, raise your hand...."
The words fell away. The tears brimmed over. "This is it..." I sadly thought.
"Are you alright?" she touched my shoulder.
"Yeah." I muttered. My voice hitched.
She came at me with one of the biggest needles Fisher Price makes. My shoulders wrenched up around my ears. My lungs stopped working. My toes curled up inside my shoes. My butt cheeks were so damn tight, I coulda shit a diamond. A couple of sobs escaped me. She patted my shoulder and said gently.
"You need a minute. I'll give you a minute. I'll come back."
I fought for control. I beat myself up in my head. Jumpin Jehosephat! I'm going to be forty one day in the not too distant future and I'm crying like a baby in this sage green airplane chair. Get a firetrucking grip. Are you nuckin futs woman? No...just afraid. Everyone came back. I sighed and let the demons invade my soul.
I didn't feel a thing.
The drill began to race around my tooth at speeds that would shame Jimmy Johnson and the entire NASCAR society. I got a twinkling, a pulling sensation. My hand shot up. "God help ME!" my mind shouted.
And this is the amazing part. She stopped. She pulled every tube, stick, tiny sleeping bag rolled up gauze out of my face and looked me in the eye.
"Do you hurt?"
I shook my head. That was it. She shot me up again...some more...I STILL didn't feel that horrible thing. I went deeper into un-feeling. I laid back. She wasn't going to hurt me. I was going to survive this. No demons. No Hellfire. I kept cranking up my iPod until my eardrums threatened to leave me via bursting and liquefying down my neck. I kept it up. I shouted the words to the songs in my head over the screaming drill with my eyes locked shut.
She pulled away and tapped me. I paused my "distractor" from Apple and slowly opened my eyes, preparing to accept some wretched carnage. I smelled the smoke of burning hot bone. My bone. My tooth.
"You're done. We just have to fit your temporary crown."
I nodded. My butt, exhausted from mining, began to relax after just shy of two hours. My toes began to explore my socks playfully.
"Hey Gang! Nice to feel you back. In the words of Barry Manilow: "Looks Like We MAAAAAADE iiiiiiiit!"
"You did a great job, you know. I know it was tough. Thank you."
"You dee-unt hut me. Tank YOU." I tried to smile but I just flopped my lip like a horse.
"It won't be like this next time."
"Ahll get dare. Wait . Nex -ime?"
"Yes. We found another filling that has crumbled and we need to re drill it."
"Numb?"
"Yes. If you want that. I will do it."
"Yes. I want hat." my lips felt huge. I wasn't exactly certain if my tongue even fit in my mouth anymore.
And I shakily wandered down the hall to make my appointment.
Beauty comes with a price. Today? I suffered more by my own hand than that of the dentist. But my crown fits perfectly. My smile is still a little lopsided, but it's there. I am reigning queen of the dentist chair. Today.
Hope your day was a little less harrowing than mine. Thanks for stopping by, your company made me feel better.
