Normally I wouldn't do this...but I really thought it was funny so I am asking for your help. Please bear with me.
I love this blog. It gives me the courage to write a little more carelessly, recklessly and experiment more freely with my ideas for submissions, competitions, lalala. I enjoy the feedback (positive and negative) and truly believe I am becoming a better writer. I love that people have seen my blog in Russia, Iceland, Korea, the UK, and all over the US and Canada. It is great fun for me. The e-mails I get are great, but this one? This one was SO special I had to share it:
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Hello sweetheart ,
I am looking for a good girl for marriage. My name is Bright Chuks, I am 29 years old, I am from sierra leone ,but i based in Ivory coast, not bad looking but would like to pate sweatly with fun at apropriate time i need her.
You should have a normal body with atractive apearance. Your age is not important, also not your race.
You should be a funny and smiling person. Your response will motivate me to come over your country for us to see each other. For any sucessful man there is a woman behind him.
Please bear in mind that good character is the beauty of a woman as well as husband is her honour. Forever we shall live together, my people shall be your people and your people shall be my people too.
A choosen woman for me that will join me to build our family legally,mother of my children,joy of heart,glory of home. If you are interested contact my email address below
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As flattered as I am to be some one's Dream Angel and sweetheart (with a leeeetle "s" because women are the "smaller" sex)...Let's look at some things here which "motivate" me to giggle uncontrollably.
Normal attractive body: well, I've had children so my tum-tum has stretched beyond; WAY beyond what I call normal. Especially when you consider that my kids both SAT up in the womb and learned to jump rope there. Thanks kids! And of course my perky lil 36 c's went to longs...LONG ago. My age is not important...says you. I'm twenty-nine for the 10th time this January. My race? Well, I race a lot especially with two jump rope experts in the house.
I need to be smiling....all the time? Since he is based on the Ivory Coast he doesn't understand the Jersey sweep on the interstate or the "Thank you" wave. I believe some call it cheer leading? "You're number ONE BUDDY. NUMBER ONE!" It's hard to smile through that. And let us not forget grocery stores. Ohhhh no. Not one single grin there; not even when they double my coupons for toilet paper: THE REALLY SOFT STUFF.
For a successful man there is a woman behind him. I see, so no one can see me and I am not to be heard from...I'm just hangin out back there in my one hundred veils waiting and wanting to dance them off, right? Gotcha.
If I get this last part and who KNOWS if I do...If IF I am CHOSEN, it is an honor...FOR ME to spend eternity behind this successful man makin jump rope professionals and smiling all the time (and let's not forget the first part which seems to lead me to believe I am just waiting to be uhhhh "needed") The ending strikes me that if I'm not smilin...HE will strike me.
I'm sure it's just a slight cultural misunderstanding on my part.
BUT I don't think that they will understand the concept of a safety word in the sex slave trade as I pointed out to my Yayas and I wonder if my sense of humor would be considered motivation enough to bring Bright Chuks ( OHHHHHH HOW many times did I write and think CHUNKS????) on over heeyah to meet lil ole me....Oh there would be fireworks. But my guess is I would be tied up in the middle of them...all burnt up.
Okay, so now it's YOUR turn. YOU read it and send me YOUR translation. Just for kicks. I only have a little while before I need to respond ..and I still need to pack. I know, it shouldn't take me that long; but one hundred veils IS one hundred veils. And does anyone have some of those little clinky finger cymbals? Or a lace hand fan? My cymbals were used at the last party I had to hold tampenade and my fan only opens backwards (So the little blue bird on it looks angry and appears to be eating its young). THAT'S not very ...Dreamy ....not for an angel.
Play along...I can't wait!
